What you allow around you defines YOU. If you are trying to define or understand yourself a little bit more, one of the first things to OBSERVE is your environment. Your surroundings are simply the people, places and things that you have around. Where you live, how your environment is arranged or dis-arranged, the objects around you, the vibe of the location, frequency of the music, the people that you communicate with either offline or online affect what you think . And what you think eventually makes your reality.
Your entire body is a hologram. Your face, hands, feet etc are different parts that make the entire system and what all these senses and organs do is to collect and dispose information. These information come from the surroundings. For instance, the African wavy natural hair is an organ that receives and sends out information (uploads or downloads data )from the source code i.e. your truest or highest self. It also saves and stores information, emotions etc. This is why when some people going through a transformational phase tend to shave their hair, lock their hair, dye their hair etc. Breaking this down further, everything that surrounds you is basically information . Whether it comes in form of food, air, friend, family, media, objects etc., it doesn’t matter. We as they say are a product of our environment.
The more aware you become, the more open your energetic gateways (chakras or portals or pathways) becomes and this allows you filter in, the appropriate and required information needed for your whole body ( i.e your 3 bodies : physical, mental and spiritual bodies). You choose to allow whoever and whatever around you at all times and this determines what you become.
I hear people say it is unwise to say that ‘everything we do in our lives is a choice’. But if we genuinely think about it, no strings attached, you will realize that it is indeed true. Our choices define what we are capable of. What we surround ourselves with determines who we are.
Your environment is not only the physical location you see with your external Sense of Sight ( i.e the eyes”). By definition, your environment is the surroundings or conditions in which a person, animal, or plant lives or operates. Another key word here is : “CONDITIONS”. The conditions or temperatures ( Esoterically temperatures here would be frequency and vibrations, high or low, happy or unhappy, positive or negative) This can be broken down in several layers in terms of depth when trying to inner-stand how the science of our environment ( which is simply the body ) affects the internal machine.
Your environment starts with the exernal part of you. Your body!. Then, it spreads out to people, places and things. This also relates to the fact that everything outside of your physical body is simply an extension of you and that it means it is your individual responsibility to be the caretaker of your environment. Both your body and the Environment and/or conditions around you.
Most of us had parents or guardians while we were younger who warned us about our friends. They wanted us to be very careful with whom we associate with, because they knew it had significant influence in our behaviors. Our choices then as kids or teenagers were simply based on how we felt because our brains were still developing, which means we could not logically ingest why but as we grew older we saw things for what they were and not only what they felt like. So making a choice now stems from logic and intuition.
In this day and age of Information, we come across so much data daily. Filtering these information is very necessary. Filter your system. Filter your organs, Filter your friends, Filter your music, Filter your habits and this is how you become a better person. When you filter your environment, You become even more powerful as a being because you see you had the power to make choices and you subconsciously gave it away because you didn’t pay attention to your environment or your body. See How to live your best life
Let’s talk about this very common fear in our society and it’s different attachment styles. The fear of abandonment is a form of anxiety about losing your loved ones. It is quite common with people who have lost a loved one. So this results into making you feel like the people in your life will disappear if you don’t put all of your efforts into relationships or you might run away from every relationship because you’re afraid of getting your heart broken. Either way, you might have a fear of abandonment.
This fear doesn’t just make a home in your chest overnight. It’s linked to the different experiences you have had with people over the years. You may feel this enormous fear because of a childhood experience or because of an abusive ex-lover.
Abandonment issues also happen when a parent does not provide the child with consistent warm or attentive interactions, leaving them feeling chronic stress and fear. Naturally children are expressive and they need love. Our body holds memory and life is like a repetitive circle. The experiences that happen during a child’s development will often continue into adulthood. This is why abandonment issues become more prevalent as you get older and can affect your relationships.
Abandonment fear could also stem from childhood loss. This loss could be related to a traumatic event, such as the loss of a parent through death, separation or divorce. It can also come from not getting enough physical or emotional care. These early childhood experiences can lead to a fear of being abandoned by others later in life.
How can the fear of abandonment be avoided?
Only the constant presence of parents or guardians in childhood, with affection and attention, can bring the security that the child needs. This way they feel that their survival will be guaranteed and they do not need to be afraid.
In the case of the child who has had conflicts in school and the unsafe partner in the adult relationship, they are both acting unconsciously as a way of drawing the attention of the mother or partner. Calling attention to yourself is an unconscious way of feeling secure.
The child begins to create mechanisms to raise the attention of parents from a very young age. When their brain realizes that their behavior is successful, that it works to gain attention, it becomes automatic so they feel safe and protected. In adult life, the same thing happens: if the fear of abandonment makes your partner try to give you more security, the insecure uses this fear as a way to gain more attention.
Types of Abandonment Issues
Abandonment issues can present themselves in three insecure attachment styles. These are:
Avoidant Attachment Style
People who follow this style don’t allow anyone to get close to them. You may feel like you can’t open up or trust others, making you appear distant, private, or withdrawn.
Anxious Attachment Style
People with this type of attachment style cope by developing intensely close and dependent relationships with others. You may feel anxious about separating yourself from your partner and tend to be emotionally reactive. It may be easy to see conflicts as a concern that your partner may leave, which makes you act out of fear.
Disorganized Attachment Style
People with this attachment style have difficulty remaining intimate and close but can also be inconsistent. You may feel anxious about being in a relationship or want to avoid the closeness. This attachment style may come with other potential disorders.
Signs you are suffering from fear of abandonment
1. You give too much in relationships
Due to your fear of abandonment, if you choose to start a relationship with someone, you go all in.
You do whatever it takes to please this person and to make them happy.
This goes to the extent of forgetting about your own wants and needs, because theirs are more important to you.
However, forgetting about your own boundaries in the name of a relationship is a clear sign you have a fear of abandonment.
You give too much and receive too little.
Relationships require work from both sides.
If he doesn’t deem all your efforts to be loving and caring acts, then it’s his fault, not yours. You don’t deserve to be in a one-sided relationship.
2. You push people away to avoid rejection
Another sign of your fear of abandonment is if you choose to avoid relationships altogether.
You push people away and don’t let them see your vulnerable side all because you’re scared you’ll get attached to them.
What happens when you get attached? You give them the possibility of hurting you.
You fear rejection because it is a direct blow to your self-esteem. It literally activates your anxiety and fear of abandonment.
That’s why it’s easier to stay away from people than to give them the possibility of hurting you.
3. You are very codependent
A very obvious sign of a fear of abandonment is when you have mostly been involved in codependent relationships.
You thrive on the fact that a person makes you feel needed, even if it’s anything but healthy.
You want to be helpful in every single way possible and they exploit that.
Your previous partners might have seen that they could take advantage of your fear of abandonment and they treated you whatever way they pleased, because they knew you wouldn’t leave.
4. You feel insecure in yourself and with your partner
As said previously, a fear of abandonment is a form of anxiety and it brings a lot of insecurities into your life.
Your fear is the main reason behind the fact that you feel extremely insecure in yourself.
You’re always looking in the mirror and nitpicking all the reasons why you deserve to be heartbroken.
This also transfers into a romantic relationship because if you don’t love yourself right then you can’t love your partner right.
You’re always questioning when he’ll leave you and you see every small fight as the end.
When he’s mad at you for whatever reason, you see that as a sign that he’ll leave you immediately, even if it’s not true.
5. You persist with unhealthy relationships
If you have a fear of abandonment then you should be able to spot it in the number of unhealthy relationships in your life.
Whether it is romantic relationships, friendships, or very unhealthy family links, you always end up as the victim.
This is because you sabotage connections by either being extremely emotionally unavailable or being very clingy.
If the other party is the one who is toxic toward you, you might not even realize it out of the fear that you might get your feelings hurt.
So you end up staying in that relationship as you can’t help it.
6. You’re very clingy
Because of your insecurities and your fear of abandonment, you can also be extremely clingy. What does this involve?
Besides always wanting to be physically around your partner, you’re also always texting and calling him.
If you do get a moment away from your partner, you get extremely anxious and you don’t even realize you’re being clingy.
Your fears and anxieties are valid, but you need to realize that no one is going to leave you permanently just because they have gone out with their friends for the night.
7. You’re jealous
Another very clear sign of a fear of abandonment is when you yourself are an extremely jealous person.
You fear that your partner will find someone better than you and leave you for them.
You see every other woman as a threat.
This leads to very uncomfortable conversations with your partner, where you’re always asking him about the women in his life, even if it’s just co-workers.
A little bit of jealousy can be adorable at times, but when it becomes a symptom of your fear of abandonment, it’s not that cute anymore.
8. You’re in a state of constant anxiety
When you think of your partner, your first instinct isn’t to feel happiness, but rather anxiety.
Your smile fades whenever you think of him and you feel your stomach make a flip.
All of this because you think about all the bad things that could happen in your relationship that may lead to a breakup.
Your first thought might even be the last time you did something wrong in your relationship and he got mad.
This anxiety doesn’t leave you. It gets less obvious when you’re right next to him, but it never truly disappears.
9. You feel unworthy of love
Your insecurities, your clinginess, everything comes from a deeply-rooted fear of abandonment. Just like the fact that you feel unworthy of love.
You feel like no one will ever be able to love you. Even if they say they do, you take that with a grain of salt.
Long-Term Effects of Abandonment Issues
A person who has experienced abandonment may be more likely to have long-term mental health issues. These are often based on the fear that abandonment will recur. A child who was abandoned by a parent or guardian may have mood swings or anger issues. These behaviors become an automated lifestyle that can alienate potential intimate partners and friends. A child’s self-esteem can also be affected by lack of parental support, love or care.
Abandonment fears can impair a person’s ability to trust others. They may make it harder for a person to feel worthy or be intimate. These fears could make a person prone to anxiety, depression, codependence, or other issues. Someone who lacks self-esteem due to childhood abandonment may seek relationships that reinforce their beliefs because that’s the language they understand.
Maintain a positive mind is a way to treat this fear
To overcome this fear, you need to do the following:
Maintain a positive attitude and mindset
Learn about yourself
Understand the people around you
Practice the habit of forgiveness
Say what you feel (Be clear in your communication with anyone including your partner)
When it comes to relationships, usually the detachment in relationships happens because of some concern that a person is feeling and that their thinking cannot be in focus. The greater the degree of understanding and companionship to overcome this problem, the greater the chances of living healthy relationships, which are based on affection and not on lack or fear of losing. When you are aware of the feelings you both experience, you are most likely to live in peace and harmony.
Feed your focus and starve your distractions is a quote I’m sure you must have come across one way or another. But as hue-man beings, we tend to rush everything including breathing, reading etc. Try to read this is as slow and deliberate as possible.
SAVE YOUR ENERGY, FOCUS ON YOURSELF AND GET FAR AWAY FROM DISTRACTIONS.
The world at large is going through a spiritual cleanse, more like karmic reset. But majority of us see things as the media wants us to perceive it. When do we get to the point when we realize that most of what we see is not what is really happening ? When do we get to that point? Are we going to wait until 2025 to realize that we are all pawns in the matrix until you WAKE UP and THINK FOR YOURSELF?
You are a piece to the puzzle. The universe is a puzzle and every living being has a ROLE to play. Your duty is to figure out what your role is and be exceptionally great at it.
For instance, If we are deprived of food for too long, our bodies won’t have enough energy left to perform physical tasks. If we don’t sleep for two days straight, we won’t have enough energy to partake in a meaningful conversation. Not eating, or not sleeping will drain us of our energy reserves. We all understand this because it’s common sense.
But there are also many other negative habits, which we simply aren’t aware of – slowly robbing us of any extra energy we might have. These habits include: overeating, long hours in front of the TV, compulsive complaining, etc.
If you want to get something great done in your life, you must first be able to adopt habits that preserve your energy, and free yourself of habits that waste it.
2020 is a perfect example of why you should focus on yourself , anything can happen which I believe means one has to be prepared for absolutely anything at this point. As a matter of fact, this is going to be the new norm.( wearing of masks which hide your identity ie prisoners, social distancing, lockdowns, food scarcity etc.) We are OUR ONLY SAVIORS and we have to do better. The very least you can do is SPEAK UP, FIGHT FOR YOUR FREEDOM, or better still fight for the unborn children because this is new world they’ll be born into. We can only change our reality by changing our point of focus.
Focus requires concentration, patience and attention. In other to achieve anything exceptionally you need to pay attention right? So, question is, what are you paying attention to ? Your mental and spiritual development? Your physical health ? Your thinking patterns ? Your trauma responses? What are you putting your energy on ? The media, the mass violence happening all over the world? Politics ? Your career? You decide YOUR FUTURE by your PRESENT. Choose wisely.
Save your energy, face your demons instead. Focus on your priorities. Make yourself your one number priority. Turn the lens around to yourself and see yourself for what you truly are. DO YOU LIKE YOU? Do you like yourself and your current habits ? Are you around the people that elevate your mind state or are you around people who make you feel less of yourself?, Are you getting better at improving your self as a whole? What are you waiting for ? A prophet ? A UFO? Wake up and do what you have to do now. So you don’t get dropped like a fly when the awakened souls transcend. Be your own motivator and guide. Look within you for acceptance not outside you.
Save your energy. It is already a lot of work to focus on yourself. How about you make that a priority and see how much less time you have for anything else.
It’s a full moon, a new month also. What better time to shine? Don’t let the darkness from your past block the light and joy in your present. You are light and what’s the duty of light ? To shine!
We all have an inner light, which when translating I’ll say, we tend to call it “a dream”, within us. This is something important for each of us to know, nurture, and empower.
Dreams are what move us forward when all else seems to be against us. It’s the spark that lights our way in the darkest moments of our lives. It’s what keeps us hopeful when everyone else says to give up. It’s what warms us from the inside, when the world is cold and hostile. In recent times during the pandemic, if you were observant you could see how many creatives explored and showed different abilities, talents and skills. The isolation definitely helped with that.
Having a dream is how one justifies our existence. Acting on the dream justifies having a life. Having a dream and not letting it go dim, is having a gift and not shining bright, having a vision of how you want your world to be and not taking action. Shining bright requires us to act on it, otherwise it become dim, or worse yet, go out.
How bright are your dreams? What lights your way when all seems dark? Do they shine so brightly that others can see the light radiating from you, or do you look like the light has left your eyes? Have you lost sight of your dreams? Have you failed to act on them for a long time?
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. – Martin Luther King Jr.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve been there quite a number of times. From the breakup of my first relationship to my career as an artist, from hating myself to losing my job, I’ve ended up in some very dark places with my light completely out.
However, in each and every time, there has been someone or something to help me find my way, and to relight my light, but I didn’t notice them as I was lost, blind and so unready to receive them and their gift and when I became ready my gift found me and I did it myself.
What I hope you can see is how precious this gift is to others. Perhaps you have even been the recipient of this gift in your lifetime. Remember what it felt like to you, and imagine what it would have been like without others to help you. You can be that helper to others, the question is will you do it?
Sometimes, on rare occasions, you can actually do this for yourself. Like I did for myself. However, most of the time it takes outside intervention. While it is usually a friend, associate or family member, sometimes the person who relights your light is a complete stranger and I’ve seen this happen to people a lot.
No matter how you eventually do it, even if all you do is get their attention, and get them thinking about trying to find their light again, you have done a great thing for them. Sometimes, with proper motivation, they can fight their way back. Other times, it leaves them receptive to the next person who tries to help them.
How does one help someone who has lost their light? That would depend on the person, your existing relationship, and your interpersonal skills. If you notice a friend seems particularly withdrawn, you can talk to them. Starting with general topics and then try to get to what is troubling them.
With a stranger, establishing communication may be much more difficult, but at least stop for a moment and say “Hi!” to them. How you proceed from there is up to you, but I would hope you could manage to help them, if only just a tiny little bit. That may totally be what your role on earth was for the day.
We tend to overlook the small things, and we forget the Devil is in the details. The small gestures, kindness and even conversations we have could be the light you need to shine brightly to illuminate and even better heal a brother or a sister just like yourself.
Shine your light in all the ways you think you can. This is unlimited. There is no specific way, all ways lead home.
Allow the universe to work for you by letting go..
This is one of the hardest truths in life. Letting go is a very powerful magnet . Just as you have to let go of the food you eat through your stool and you can’t resist that, because the body literally forces you to sometimes. Same way the universe works. Remember the YOU-niverse is YOU !! We are mirrors. You only get what you give. It’s tough but weirdly simple.. Follow the rules of nature.
There comes a time in everyone’s life where we have no choice but to accept life as IT IS. This is one major lesson that has made so many of our ancestors reincarnate in different ways including using major events to reawaken us to our original state. So much alterations have been done in the past. But we are now in a new world and some of us got here so we can hold the door for others to come in.
Change is here and it comes with power. You are the power. You are the key. You are the door. Share your life lessons as you see it. Mostly, allow life to be in your favor by being yourself at all times. Everything that has an advantage definitely has its disadvantages we all know. So, there may be backlashes, opinions, advices etc that might be the reason you’re still stuck. This is a call to wake you up and remind you that the key has been in your power to make a decision all along.
Speak your truth and live your life. Everything changes and you don’t want to be living the past life in the present moment.
Awaken to your divinity as a wholesome being of light. You are a star. Yes you! Embrace it. Embrace yourself. You are perfection in disguise. Own your shit.
Do you know how to get to the place in your life where you know for sure that everything is happening FOR YOU ? Have you decided that it’s time to let go of the old and welcome the GIFT OF THE PRESENT ?
If yes I’m super proud of you, I also implore you to help awaken the sleeping giants and lost souls and if no, send me an email or share in the comments below.