How to heal the wounded inner child

Children are born without any means to defend themselves or face the world. Children are totally dependent upon their parents for love, acceptance, and shelter. Sometimes parents fail to provide the emotional, psychological, and physical shelter required for healthy children. This results in adults who are stuck in trauma-time who remain forever ruled by an inside force, the wounded inner child. In Africa where I come from, most parents beat, punish and maltreat their children in order to discipline them. Even worse they barely listen to them which traumatizes them from an early age and they grow up with a different mentality of what love and acceptance truly is.

The inner child is the part in your psyche that still retains its innocence, creativity, awe, and wonder toward life. Quite literally, your inner child is the child that lives within you – within your psyche that is. It is important that we stay connected with this sensitive part of ourselves. When we are connected to our inner child, we feel excited, invigorated, and inspired by life. When we are disconnected, we feel lethargic, bored, empty and unhappy.

Growing up, it is the emotional and biological responsibility of our parents and family members to create a safe environment for us. But not all parents accept that responsibility, are aware of that responsibility, or have the capacity to fulfill that responsibility.

Safety doesn’t just mean physically protecting us from harm, feeding us, or the other essentials. Safety also means supporting us on the emotional, psychological, and spiritual levels inherent to us as human beings.

The process of healing your wounded inner child is one of grief, of pain. Do you have a wounded inner child inside yourself? Every child faces emotional challenges that are key-points for their personality. Parents and family are fundamental to give emotional support to overcome those challenges and create an environment of safety and protection. Although each of us has some issues that come from unprocessed emotions as a child, and for that, we all have wounds, some of us need to pay close attention to this wounded inner child.

The traumas that come from childhood have a substantial impact on your daily life and future decisions, and most of the times, we have trouble recognizing them, making them even more critical. For example, someone can avoid meaningful relationships if the environment at home was of fight and incomprehension. In extreme situations, these wounds can compromise someone’s life.

Let’s find out more about the wounded inner child and how to heal your relationship with it! Find out how to get into a reflective space.

Connect with your inner child


Start by thinking about your childhood, reflect about it. How was the environment at home? Did you feel safe? Did you feel a sense of belonging with your parents? Were you allowed to be your true self? How do you feel when you remember yourself as a child? Asked this to yourself and write down the answers and reflect about it.

Remember to take care of you, to be there for you, to take time for yourself.

Signs that you have a wounded inner child

There are some signs you need to pay close attention. If you identify many of these in your current life, remember that you need to do an effective work-related to your wounded inner child. These inside parts of ourselves have a significant impact on how we see ourselves and how we behave as adults. Some signs you have a wounded child might include that :

  • You feel there’s something wrong with you
  • You experience anxiety when you face something new
  • You want to please everyone around you
  • You experience the need to be in conflict
  • You feel inadequate
  • No achievement feels enough for you
  • You always criticize yourself
  • You are rigid and perfectionist
  • You struggle to say “no” and stand up for yourself
  • You have trusting issues
  • You never feel close to others.
  • Have a deep feeling that there is something wrong with you
  • Are a people-pleaser
  • Are a rebel and feel alive when in conflict with someone else
  • You are a hoarder
  • Are not able to let go of possessions and people
  • Experience anxiety with something new
  • Feel guilty for setting boundaries
  • Are driven to be a super-achiever
  • Are ridged and a perfectionist
  • Have problems starting and finishing tasks
  • Exhibit constant self-criticism
  • Feel ashamed at expressing emotions
  • Feel ashamed of your body
  • Have a deep distrust of anyone else
  • Avoid conflict, no matter what the cost
  • Have a deep-seated fear of abandonment.

If you feel you connect to many of these issues, let’s find out more about how you can heal your inner child.

Repeat supporting affirmations

  1. I love you: some of us used to think we needed to achieve more to be enjoyed. Tell your inner child it’s loved no matter what.
  2. I hear you: some adults don’t pay attention to what children say, what can deeply hurt someone’s feelings and never really feel they have something meaningful to share with the others. Don’t suppress your inner voice!
  3. You didn’t deserve this: it’s easy to convince ourselves we needed to suffer, or we did something wrong, and that’s why bad things are happening. Change your mindset with these simple words.
  4. I’m sorry: allow yourself to feel ok with the things you did and didn’t do, say sorry to yourself for all the times you pushed too much.
  5. I forgive you: let go of the same and regrets.
  6. Thank you: be thankful to your inner child for all the things you did, show gratitude.
  7. You did your best: accept your failures and acknowledge you’ve always done the best of you.

You can create other affirmations or mantras that are important to you, more specific to the feelings you have to heal with your inner child. Be creative, be free and always positive!

Write a letter to your inner child

Writing a letter to your inner child will help you to organize your thoughts, but it will also strengthen all the things you have left to say. There is no formula; you can write whatever you feel you haven’t yet said and that will help with this relationship.

You can also write a letter from your inner child. Get in deep connection with it and let go and write down all the things that once you wanted to say, but you were not able to. It can be one of the most potent and releasing experiences of your life.

If needed, you can repeat both practices as many times as necessary until you feel your voice was finally heard, the one from now and the one from the child in you.

Do an inner child visualization or meditation

Search for mantras, meditation or visualization that can lead you towards meeting your inner child. You can do it with the help of a coach or therapist. Another option is that you record the steps with your voice and then listen.

  1. Close your eyes
  2. Imagine yourself walking to a place where you feel safe and enter that place
  3. Give yourself some time to feel relaxed, safe and connected to this place
  4. Walk around and let your inner child appear to you
  5. Come close: What is your inner child’s face like? What are the emotions it expresses? What are the words said? – Give yourself time to communicate with it, make a question or listen to what is there to be said.
  6. Give a hug to your inner child and be thankful for it to show to you and be able to reconnect.
  7. Come back to where you were.
  8. Talk to your adult self to ask for aid in grown-up decisions
  9. Give rewards to yourself every day
  10. Get plenty of sleep
  11. Practice mindfulness to remain present
  12. Tell yourself that you love you even if it feels awkward
  13. Think about the good memories you had in childhood
  14. Make new “good” memories and traditions

After finishing, try journaling your experience. Repeat it as many times as you like, allowing different aspects of this wounded inner child and your relation to come to light. This is a very powerful tool that helped me personally on my healing journey anc could be the turning point you need.

Remember to take care of you, to be there for you, to take time for yourself. Being your protector every day is a vital part if this process, and will allow your wounded inner child to feel safe as never before, because it will be no longer dependent on the others, but it knows it can truly rely on yourself.

Practice mindfulness to remain present Tell yourself that you love you even if it feels awkward Think about the good memories you had in childhood Make new “good” memories and traditions

If you are interested in working with your inner child, I want you to reflect on your own childhood, the timeline of your early years, and how you felt as a child. Did you feel safe? Did you feel a sense of belonging in your family? Were you permitted to be you? What is your current relationship with your inner child like? All of these questions are extremely important to ask, and if you haven’t asked them yet, I hope you do. If you would also like a deep healing approach or if you prefer one on one help, feel free to drop a comment down below or send me an email. Would be glad to be of assistance.

Get your Butt out of the way

Ever wondered why they say the “Truth is bitter”? Well, it is bitter because it is straightforward, direct, and doesn’t always feel or taste good. Just as certain kinds of food or drinks, maybe teas taste quite awful but are very good for your health. In fact, most medicines are usually bitter. See where I’m going with this ?

We have grown and outgrown so many things internally and externally as we evolve on this planet as a specie over the centuries but one thing that has been the same since the beginning of time is the bitter taste of the truth and why people dislike or find it difficult to identify it.

Tell yourself the truth. If you need to yell at yourself to get the message do it, if you need to scream or shout or cry. Do it. Just freaking do it. Get your butt( your buts) out of the way. Stop making excuses. Sitting on your butt, feeling sorry for yourself will not save or change your life and situation. You have to get up, face your shit and get out of your own way with your words and daily attitude.

You know why it’s important to get out of your way?

No one will save you. Unfortunately. It’s not anyone’s duty but yours, you have to master yourself and learn to not look outside of yourself otherwise you’ll keep being disappointed or worse distracted. Remember, tomorrow never comes plus everyone and everything is a distraction. You come first. Your priority is YOU. Yes YOU!. Your physical, mental and emotional health comes first. So in order to be a better person, irregardless of what you might have going on for you, You have to separate the beans from the shaft. Although, it may seem shaky at first, you have to keep moving. You are never alone. Keep trying. Your story may be the motivation someone out there needs. Don’t stop. You are more than capable and this is what you signed up for.

You must get out of your head and get your butt out of the way. This is how you become the highest and best version you can be.

Let’s get it fam!

Self Judgment

We live in a world of control. A world that requires push and pull, as in, it requires gravity to exist. It’s no wonder why we are always at war with ourselves. However, we must learn to be in control of ourselves, what concerns us, what matters to us in our everyday lifestyle, not just personally, but environmentally, universally.

We must learn to find balance in the chaos, no matter how overwhelmed you might be. The fact is, you have every reason to be here right now and if you are reading this right now , and it happens to be that you find yourself confused, doubting, or listening to that criticizing voice in your head, critiquing your life, telling you what you can and cannot say or do, you have the power to transform the energy to love. No matter what you may be experiencing, do not judge yourself. It’s happening for a reason plus that is not your duty, it’s not your responsibility. Your responsibility is, to “Do as you may in alignment with your conscience” and let the rest play out.

Stop criticizing yourself. Choose self love. If you love yourself, others will love you, if you judge and criticize yourself, others will judge and criticize you. It is what it is. You should know that whenever you judge yourself, you insert fear into your aura and that lowers your vibration, your battery life, your electro magnetic voltage. Look at it like a phone fully charged, and the more you interact with the phone the battery life reduces, for instance, fear would be like an app, Instagram or maybe a game you’re used to playing on the phone, your battery weakens way faster because of the amount of energy the app has and the time you spend on it. Your daily energy and lifespan increases or reduces based on what you do every day. So, be nice to yourself, be kind, practice self love instead of self judgement.

As it turns out, there are so many different things happening in our society today, distracting, upsetting and emotionally controlling people. As a result, anxiety, depression, fear, self doubt, criticism, self judgment and different types mental issues gradually begin to flood in.. It is your duty to be responsible for what you think, eat and do because you are a part of the universe, a part of the whole and if you do your duty, others will do theirs and on and on.. Then, in little or no time the world will become light again, even better than we have imagined. It will be the change we’ve been collectively working on.

Self Expression

Are you free? Are you truly free to live or say whatever you want, whenever you want, however you decide? Can you express yourself without fear in totality? Are you REAL? Are you living according to your creators wish?

Most people are out here agreeing and accepting every thing that’s thrown at their faces like they don’t have a choice. This has got to stop. We need to express ourselves exactly how we want to. I hear, there is freedom of speech ( but I don’t hear about the consequences of speaking up). People fear to express themselves exactly how they should or exactly how they want to. Why, you may ask ? Well, BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN PSYCHOLOGICALLY BRAINWASHED into accepting that someone else should think for them plus there is the “hush hush” part about the consequences of self expression.

You know there’s more to life. You know you’re being called to do something greater.We’re a community of like-minded and evolved beings just like you on a mission to help you realize your maximum potential and free people from physical,mental and spiritual prisons. This is why Barisity.com is called a Sity of Royalties for true FREEDOM.

In recent times, people are waking up from this deep slumber and spells that’s being constantly cast on individuals right in front of their faces, through music, media, twisted history, traditions and cultures. Most of these things are being tweaked and passed along generations over and over again. Why do we accept this, some smart ones may be thinking ? Well, my brother and sister, THE POWER OF SELF EXPRESSION COMES WITH A PRICE!!

Consider that with every action and every choice you make, you are expressing some part of yourself. When you donate to a beggar, you’re expressing kindness. When you raise your voice at another, you’re expressing anger. It’s always about the intention behind the action, the energy behind the deed. Those who cook may have realized this. When we cook with love and care, our dish has a special feel to it. When we do not put effort into our cooking, the dish turns out mediocre and bland. Self-expression is the act of bringing something deep within us into observable form – the art of creation. The question is not whether we express ourselves, but what are we expressing? The more connected we are to ourselves, the more authentic our expression. The more authentic our expression, the more confident and attractive we become. Who are you, and what is your message to the world? As you uncover more and more of yourself, the core of who you are comes to the fore. Who you are begins to shine through in what you do.

So what exactly is self expression?

Let me start by telling you a dream of mine, about a decade ago, I had this recurring dream of someone holding my throat but an invisible someone, I open my mouth to scream with all the energy charged up in me yet not a single sound comes out when I think I’m making a very loud noise, then I get madder and try harder,same thing. It was very annoying at first because as a hueman being we all have “vocal cords” which are in charge of our sounds. So when I speak you should hear me because I’m communicating with you through a chord you and I both have. This dream kept going on and on for weeks until one day I got so pissed and I was just like you know what “IM DONE WITH THIS SHIT”!! Then I decided that when the time came I won’t scream with my outer voice but my inner voice. So I had the dream again, it was on a Saturday morning, I remember vividly how I tried using my right hand to find what’s holding back my voice and I made the loudest sound ever without using my voice. It was my inner voice. I screamed so loud inside my heart that not only did the feeling of my throat being held disappear but the feeling of fear, fear of trying something new completely vanished! All it did was make me uncomfortable for a sec. ( THE PRICE OF SELF EXPRESSION ).

Now, the moral of that story is this —— I had a voice I couldn’t use, out of fear of the unknown, I felt hooked, choked and scared to do what I ought to do but until I DECIDED NOTHING COULD STOP ME, I was helpless. I decided ! Then, I found another way and I didn’t care what happened, I just did it. (Let me tell you a secret, I had not the slightest clue what was going to happen, whether it was going to make an external sound or not). I just “KNEW” I had to do something instantly. The moral of this ??—— FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS. You might be wrong or right it doesn’t matter. Just do it!!

This dream made me a stronger and fearless leader because I realized so many things 10 years after. If you don’t use what the creator has given to you , it will be taken away from you. If you choose to be scared, it will be taken away from you, If you allow yourself to be bullied, it will be taken away from you . IF YOU HAVE SKILLS, TALENTS AND PASSIONS YOU DO NOT PURSUE, guess what ? It will be taken away from you. And it goes on and on ….. We all have the ability and the power to express ourselves exactly how we want to. Don’t allow the program that has been installed in your life continue being the driver of your decisions. TAKE CHARGE or be preyed upon. Your choice.

Self expression by definition is the Expression of one’s own personality, feelings, or ideas, as through speech or art. It is a vital piece of the puzzle that is fulfillment in life; Self expression allows us to be our best selves, reach our full potential, and make valuable contributions to the world we live in. It simply is when people show that they are different from everyone else. They may choose to express themselves by how they look, what they say, or by using different types of artistic ways to show you who they are.

This place is a community of people just like you, all seeking to achieve their dreams and support one another in that mission.

Here are some ways you can start expressing yourself. Courage is key! Dare to put yourself into what you do. You can choose one or do them all.

  1. Say what you really want to say
  2. Take a risk and do something you’ve been fantasizing about
  3. Take a picture
  4. Doodle something
  5. Freestyle journal
  6. Sing, rap, write, dance.

Allow yourself to suck at first. Give yourself permission to learn and grow. Take the pressure off and let yourself stretch your wings along the runway to mastery. Once you begin, you never know where your expressions will take you. I’ve always enjoyed mentoring, teaching, making music and writing, but never took my love for writing seriously until last year. Since then, the universe has been urging me to continue. Each time I think of giving up my writing, I would get a message from a reader telling me how my writing impacted them and how much they appreciated my writing. That’s the magic of self-expression: just by being who you are, you can inspire and heal others.

You owe it to yourself to achieve your dreams. Express yourself. NO ONE CAN DO IT EXACTLY HOW YOU CAN DO IT! Don’t let it get taken away from you. You have only one life to live.

You can choose to hire me to coach you on your own journey as well or help you HEAL YOURSELF from your traumas. I’m always available. Feel free to comment down below or send me an email. I’ve got you.

Speak your truth

Even though your voice shakes, speak your truth.

Even though your feet hurts, stand your ground

Even though your heart breaks love yourself

Allow the universe to work for you by letting go..

This is one of the hardest truths in life. Letting go is a very powerful magnet . Just as you have to let go of the food you eat through your stool and you can’t resist that, because the body literally forces you to sometimes. Same way the universe works. Remember the YOU-niverse is YOU !! We are mirrors. You only get what you give. It’s tough but weirdly simple.. Follow the rules of nature.

There comes a time in everyone’s life where we have no choice but to accept life as IT IS. This is one major lesson that has made so many of our ancestors reincarnate in different ways including using major events to reawaken us to our original state. So much alterations have been done in the past. But we are now in a new world and some of us got here so we can hold the door for others to come in.

Change is here and it comes with power. You are the power. You are the key. You are the door. Share your life lessons as you see it. Mostly, allow life to be in your favor by being yourself at all times. Everything that has an advantage definitely has its disadvantages we all know. So, there may be backlashes, opinions, advices etc that might be the reason you’re still stuck. This is a call to wake you up and remind you that the key has been in your power to make a decision all along.

Speak your truth and live your life. Everything changes and you don’t want to be living the past life in the present moment.

Awaken to your divinity as a wholesome being of light. You are a star. Yes you! Embrace it. Embrace yourself. You are perfection in disguise. Own your shit.

Do you know how to get to the place in your life where you know for sure that everything is happening FOR YOU ? Have you decided that it’s time to let go of the old and welcome the GIFT OF THE PRESENT ?

If yes I’m super proud of you, I also implore you to help awaken the sleeping giants and lost souls and if no, send me an email or share in the comments below.